"When silence is betrayal"

Martin Luther once said," there comes a time when silence is betrayal".  

This week, I met a friend Anna ( not her real name). We live in the same neighbourhood in  Blantyre . Anna was coming from buying maize meal at the market and I offered her a lift. She will turn 27 years old on 13th February 2017 and she has five children. She has been married twice. The last husband left in August 2016 . The man was just gone the other day and has not been  seen or communicated.  Its  been 6 months now. Just like that!

Anna survives by selling charcoal by the road side in the neighbourhood. Last Monday , she had gone to buy the charcoal and found that the prices had gone up. She could only manage to buy half  of what she would normally order. It has been hard for her to fend for the children but she was still optimistic that things will get better one day .  She must make it work for the sake of the children.

Anna had bought 5 kg of maize and it would probably last her 3 days with the size of family she has. They normally have one meal per day . Three of her children  had enrolled for school but due to other problems, they have not been attending classes.

I dropped Anna on the junction as she went away to her house. I could not contain my emotions hearing her story and how she survives everyday . What on earth was happening to our country and within our communities ! I felt so sad for my friend .  

I would not rush to judge Anna for being too irresponsible  up to the point of  five children in this day and age of other modern methods. We all make mistakes in life . Some mistakes can cost us our very destiny.  Anna, just like so many women in her situation, deserve to be loved, respected and cared for.

Anna's mother died when she was very young.  They used to live in Soche- Manje area. Her father had left her when she was 10 years old in the care of a friend and went to South Africa to look for a job. The father has never communicated since he left years ago. The family she lived with moved to their village later and they did not take her with them .  She was left on her own and that is when she met the first husband who was working as a security guard. They bore two children and after a while, the man left her for another woman.

Upon being left, Anna picked up a job as a maid in another location in Blantyre. Whilst working, she met a man whom she married . They moved to our neighbourhood  in 2010 where the man worked as a garden boy. They had three children. She started her business of selling charcoal and others to supplement the family earnings. In February 2016, the husband lost his job and they were all depending on Annas business earnings until August when he disappeared.

Anna's life seems to be going in circles. Having lost connections with her father, she has no information of her biological relatives to whom she can get guidance and counselling. Her wish is to make enough money, buy a plot and build a house for her children which they would call home. 

I thought of sharing Annas story so that we all can learn and share something fundamental about UMUNTHU. There are many Annas in our communities who through no fault of their own are facing betrayal, dehumanisation and have lost their dignity.  No-one can chose misery over happiness.  Each time we make a choice, the expectation is that it would bring joy and fulfilment to our daily life.

Anna, has lived a miserable life after losing her mother .  She received minimal guidance on how to handle life choices. She had no educational support and was left to navigate life on her own. These amongst others, could have made Anna to make choices that are unfortunate.

Growing up, I benefitted from the extended family structure for my formal and informal education. So many friends I accumulated along the way, were immensely helpful to who I have become and I still value their love and support till today. That is what UMUNTHU means to  many of us. 

There are many Anna suffering everyday. We need to value UMUNTHU ,  "human Kindness "a spirit of interdependence . We need to change the destiny of this country. We cannot sit and watch things getting worse by each day and do nothing.  We need to stop complaining and make our small contributions to others. We should not remain silent. We are Malawians first and to Malawians, we owe everything .

It is very sad that amidst us , there are people who have no regard for humanity. Some people are so callous, cold-hearted and self-regarding. Children are a gift from God, they are so precious. Irrespective of any situation or circumstance, no child should be abandoned  and uncared for by the parents. Children do not chose their parents.  Lets be human.

I deplore the tendency of irresponsible and selfish people who bore children and abandon them without support.  They deserve nothing but condemnation.” Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. “1Tim 5 v8

I share and relate to the pain of single parenthood. My own situation growing up was not any different from Annas. I thank God that though we grow up in the village, we were able to experience the warmth and love of  our extended family relations and friends. I know that Anna would cherish friends and relatives support to help her go through the situation she is in.

We have agreed with Anna to regularly sit together and discuss a strategy towards her desired goal. We need to move forward though in pain and distrust. We shall discuss the business activity she is currently  undertaking and how we can grow it. Plan for the education of the children, daily living and health. Anna deserves love, care , counsel and guidance she has not experienced her entire lifetime. We may not have the resources to make it happen as soon as desired, but our thoughts and hope together, will take us some where.

You too can give  your love to grow others in similar situation like Anna.